Brenton
Polyamory, PUA and Sleaziness
November 22nd 2006 02:24
Spot the ordinary everyday guy with no chance - and then the sleazebag He-Man!
My friend Solace, who was mentioned in, and left a comment in, This Article, was talking to me the other day, defending the Pick Up Artist Culture, with this comment;
The truth is, 99% of PUA's I know are genuinely nice guys who dont have the confidence to talk to and entertain women, they do care for and treat them with respect. A Hell of a lot more respect than the 6'6" muscle bound jock in the corner does (which the girl would most likely go for if we weren't around). It's the fact that people stereotype that PUA = sleeze that really annoys me.
There isn't a single guy in the lair who simply wants to lay as many women as fast as he can (As far as I know), we all want (we'll I certainly do) what's best for everyone so why would you deny our right to have learn the skills to meet women and be more entertaining and sociable people, not only improving ourselves but the lives all the others girls who may otherwise end up with a selfish, sleezy, abusive boyfriend.
Cheers, Solace
He said that it wasn’t a way for sleazes to get girls, but rather a way for ordinary guys to get girls, who seem otherwise occupied with falling for guys who are inevitably, sleazes.
PUA culture seemingly demands polyamory, being loosely defined as the loving of more than one person, and looks down on Monogamy, referring to it by the derogatory term ‘one-itis’. PUA artists do not settle for one girl. They need more. A new girl every time. And any long term relationships are MLTRs; Multiple Long Term Relationships.
So, does this constitute sleaze? Surely it’d be fairly poor form just to suggest that polyamory is sleazy by it’s very nature, when many polygamous individuals engage in longer, more sincere and, dare it be said, normal relationships than many who demand monogamy.
However, polyamory has a focus on quality, not quantity, for which PUA represents the opposite. Basically, as far as I can see, traditional PUA isn’t, like traditional polyamory, about love, so much as about achievement. And that, as far as I can see, translates to competitive macho bullshit, in which ladies are tally marks more than individuals. And that could certainly be said to constitute sleaziness.
Now, I’ve known Solace for some time, back when he wasn’t Solace. I know he’s not, like so many guys, a typical sleazebag. However, the deeper culture of PUA seems to be essentially based on all the principles that those whom most proponents of PUA, hate other men for displaying.
It just seems, that whether or not intentionally, PUA has managed to take on that old adage; If you can’t beat them, join them.
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Comment by Solace
Well in my opinion anyway, sleazy in my mind is defined as the act of sleeping with/dating multiple girls while not mentioning to the girls you are with (or your girlfriend etc) that you are seeing other girls, as in sneaking around behind their backs.
I make SURE that any girl i'm with knows I see other women, if she has a problem with that, she can leave, we can still be friends if she wishes but I would NEVER go behind a womens back and get with other girls if she thinks its a monogamous relationship.
I think you'll find that every other PUA (we'll the ones I know that see multiple women) follows the same rules of always informing any girl that they do see other women.
I think lilla really summed it up with her comment, sleaze is in the eye of the beholder. If you think i'm a sleaze, so be it, I'm completely open and honest with any girl and as such honestly wouldn't call myself a sleaze
Cheers, Solace
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