Brenton
The Sad Tale of Gloutenspratt.
December 31st 2006 10:06
(The second of my twoTerrorism Related Pieces. Released While I'm at Woodford. Originally Released in ISM, USC's Student Magazine)
The bomb went of on a Thursday, and twenty five people were killed. It was deemed a cowardly act, and one which was unjustifiable.
The group claiming responsibility was the Tea Towel Liberation Army, a small group of Towellings from Tea Towel Land who had seen the persecution of their own people at the hands of the Gloutenspratt government. They blew up the Museum of Gloutensprattian Clown Porn as an attack on the values of a society they deemed to be antagonistic towards their own people.
The world was in uproar. Nobody had seen anything like this… or rather they had, back in Tea Towel Land and Legoland and all those other crazy places… but never somewhere like Gloutenspratt! It was unthinkable.
Now Boris Von Humperdinck, Gloutensprattian Prime Minister had some idea about where this hostility may have sprung from. After all, hadn’t their government been exploiting Tea Towel Land for it’s rich supply of Tea Towels? After all, if it wasn’t for Tea Towels, the whole economy, nay, the whole country would grind to a halt! And what’s more, blaming himself for the attack, well! That would be political suicide.
So what could he blame it on?
“Erm… it’s because… um… THEY HATE OUR FREEDOM!”
The ball was in motion. The Tea Towel Liberation Army were cast aside, and the government was free to do as they pleased. This gave them an advantage; as long as anti Tea Towel sentiment existed, they could get away with nearly anything.
So, they did. There were a few pet peeves of Prime Minister Von Humperdinck’s Freedom Party- loose immigration, difficulty in detaining immigrants, all that stuff. If he overstated the terrorist threat, he could use the racial disharmony to convince the Gloutenspratt public to agree to his new plans.
And, Lo Behold! It worked!
But, as with anything there were side effects. Horrible, horrible side effects. Of course, there was the immediate anger against the tea Towel People – that was regrettable but predictable. A man was beaten, and a woman had her Holy Underpants stolen. That would sort itself out, the Prime Minister thought.
But it didn’t. Mr Von Humperdinck’s policies, while popular, were making the Tea Towel people very unhappy. And very unhappy people do very unhappy things.
Groups began to form – some of them explicitly terrorist groups, others with dark secrets just beneath their surface.
Moves were immediately made to outlaw these groups – and not just the groups; books, films, games, sites, clubs, pamphlets – anything that might be encouraging terrorists. The groups went underground. Those with once more conservative members soon found their radical policies grow drastically more popular. Violence began. The ‘Tea-Towelies’ shot dead two of the towns respected citizens. The government had to act, so they send in the military to bomb the local Tea Towel Club.
The bomb went of on a Thursday, and twenty five people were killed. It was deemed a brave act, and one which was essential.
The bomb went of on a Thursday, and twenty five people were killed. It was deemed a cowardly act, and one which was unjustifiable.
The group claiming responsibility was the Tea Towel Liberation Army, a small group of Towellings from Tea Towel Land who had seen the persecution of their own people at the hands of the Gloutenspratt government. They blew up the Museum of Gloutensprattian Clown Porn as an attack on the values of a society they deemed to be antagonistic towards their own people.
The world was in uproar. Nobody had seen anything like this… or rather they had, back in Tea Towel Land and Legoland and all those other crazy places… but never somewhere like Gloutenspratt! It was unthinkable.
Now Boris Von Humperdinck, Gloutensprattian Prime Minister had some idea about where this hostility may have sprung from. After all, hadn’t their government been exploiting Tea Towel Land for it’s rich supply of Tea Towels? After all, if it wasn’t for Tea Towels, the whole economy, nay, the whole country would grind to a halt! And what’s more, blaming himself for the attack, well! That would be political suicide.
So what could he blame it on?
“Erm… it’s because… um… THEY HATE OUR FREEDOM!”
The ball was in motion. The Tea Towel Liberation Army were cast aside, and the government was free to do as they pleased. This gave them an advantage; as long as anti Tea Towel sentiment existed, they could get away with nearly anything.
So, they did. There were a few pet peeves of Prime Minister Von Humperdinck’s Freedom Party- loose immigration, difficulty in detaining immigrants, all that stuff. If he overstated the terrorist threat, he could use the racial disharmony to convince the Gloutenspratt public to agree to his new plans.
And, Lo Behold! It worked!
But, as with anything there were side effects. Horrible, horrible side effects. Of course, there was the immediate anger against the tea Towel People – that was regrettable but predictable. A man was beaten, and a woman had her Holy Underpants stolen. That would sort itself out, the Prime Minister thought.
But it didn’t. Mr Von Humperdinck’s policies, while popular, were making the Tea Towel people very unhappy. And very unhappy people do very unhappy things.
Groups began to form – some of them explicitly terrorist groups, others with dark secrets just beneath their surface.
Some crazy dissidents even burnt the Gloutensprattian flag!
Moves were immediately made to outlaw these groups – and not just the groups; books, films, games, sites, clubs, pamphlets – anything that might be encouraging terrorists. The groups went underground. Those with once more conservative members soon found their radical policies grow drastically more popular. Violence began. The ‘Tea-Towelies’ shot dead two of the towns respected citizens. The government had to act, so they send in the military to bomb the local Tea Towel Club.
The bomb went of on a Thursday, and twenty five people were killed. It was deemed a brave act, and one which was essential.
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